Men's Thoughts (Too Funny)

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by cassidy0423, Apr 25, 2007.

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  1. Ohappydaye

    Ohappydaye Wonder Palmstress

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    LOL Ok, I'll give. These are true for me...so be careful, you've been warned.:p

     
  2. NetBrakr

    NetBrakr Gone With The Wind

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    Hmmmm interesting...*netb pulled out his Treo and taking note from master OHD*

    JC
     
  3. Dngrsone

    Dngrsone One Serious Wiku

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    [​IMG] Hee hee...

    It's been better than a decade since I last used or heard the term Bodacious Ta Tas... I missed it so. :newpalm:
     
  4. PatrickS

    PatrickS Gadget Magnet

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    Well?? Was she?? ;)
     
  5. JRakes

    JRakes NOT your Average Joe

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    Well, then, let's just have some more! :D

    (Again, courtesy of Dear Old Dad, whom I've warned repeatedly about his 'net surfing... :rolleyes: )

    Everything you need to know about men and women:

    Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
    A: 45 lbs.

    Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
    A: 45 minutes.

    Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
    A: Sexual harassment.

    Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
    A: $3.99 a minute.

    Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
    A: The $ex is the same but the dishes pile up.

    Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
    A: The $ex is the same but you get the remote.

    Q: Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair?
    A: Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill up with mud.

    Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
    A: Marriage.

    Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
    A: Made her chain too long.

    Q: How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.

    Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    Q. Why are men and parking spaces alike?
    A. Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.

    Q. Why are men like public toilets?
    A. Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full of crap.

    Q. What have men and floor tiles got in common?
    A. If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

    Q. What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
    A. One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

    Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
    A. They can't stand criticism.

    Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

    Q. What is a man's view of safe $ex?
    A. A padded headboard.

    Q. How do men sort their laundry?
    A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

    Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
    A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

    Q. Do you know why women fake orgasm?
    A. Because men fake foreplay.

    Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

    Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

    Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
    A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

    Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
    A. A golden retriever.

    Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
    A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

    Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
    A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!

    Q. Why does the bride always wear white?
    A. Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

    Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
    A. A battery has a positive side.

    Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
    A. Because their ba!!s fall over their a$$hole and they vapor-lock.

    Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
    A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

    Q. Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
    A. Two mothers-in-law.
     
  6. Ohappydaye

    Ohappydaye Wonder Palmstress

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    Some of those were COLD and some were hilarious!
     
  7. jigwashere

    jigwashere Mobile Deity

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    Here are my (unfortunate) contributions. :)

    buy_1.gif

    women_1.jpg

    LifeExplained 1_1.jpg

    Chance_1.gif
     
  8. jigwashere

    jigwashere Mobile Deity

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    Of course, here's why men should never babysit:

    nobabysit.jpg

    marker.jpg

    A000005.jpg

    A000004.jpg

    A000003.jpg
     
  9. Ohappydaye

    Ohappydaye Wonder Palmstress

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    LOL I got those pics in an email a while back! They crack me up everytime I see them.

    Edit: Ok, here's my contribution

     
  10. JRakes

    JRakes NOT your Average Joe

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    We should just tell everybody they're actually Jig's family pics! :D

    Yes, well... Such is life ;)
     
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